Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A man dies and goes to heaven when Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, “You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all of the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item. When you reach 1000 points, you get in.”
“Okay,” the man says, “I was happily married to the same woman for fifty years and never cheated on her, not even in my mind.”
“That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth two points!”
“Two points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and gave my ten percent tithe faithfully.”
“Terrific!” says Peter. “That’s definitely worth a point.”
“One point? My goodness! Well, what about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless?”
“Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says.
“TWO POINTS!” the man cries. “At this rate the only way I can get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Now that’s what we’re looking for! Come on in!”
Thursday, September 1, 2011
"Free Bahamas cruise for two - no strings attached!" It's the truth, no strings. They used a big wad of glue. Registration fee, port charges, fuel surcharge, and taxes all due from the "winner." Plus sitting through a sales "presentation." They don't say how long that lasts either. Not so free now, is it?